My Battle with Depression

"Life is not easy, not just for me but to anyone living and breathing"

"Why  do I feel so down? Why do I feel so sad? Why do I feel alone? Why do I feel so angry with little things? 

Why am I like this?

I feel so tired!"

These are the questions I asked myself few years back. .

Let me tell you something about myself. .

I was an Overseas Filipino Worker in HongKong. I worked as a Domestic Helper who starts my day around 5 am and ends at 9 pm. Working as Domestic Helper is not easy, but I always tell myself that I'm doing this for our future.

Every Sunday I was able to meet my mom who is also working there,I was able to meet new friends and I was able to eat and buy things that I can't buy before. I was able to travel and visit other places like Macau, Shenzhen and Shanghai.

This photo is from my Shanghai ,China Trip.

I'm too happy to buy new things, eat the food I like with my own hard earned money.
I know what are my goals in life and I'm not afraid to follow my dreams.

But that was the past. 

After 7 years 

I'm  already in my late 30's and  a stay home mom depending on my husband. Everything has to be in budget. 

There are things that I would like to buy for myself, new restaurants that I would like to try and places that I would like to visit but unfortunately I was not able to do.

I keep asking myself, why is my life like this. 

Why? 

Because there are things that needs to be prioritized

Instead of buying new things for myself,I  will just spend the money for my kids.

Whenever I see a new restaurant or a mouth watering dish that I would like to try, I will end up cooking at home since I always think of budgeting.

My husband and I have talked about this, we end up in arguments. I became so sensitive and came to the point I belittled myself.

This is the time that I started to think about my past, how happy  I was back in those years.

This is when depression starts to eat me . . .

I kept myself away from other people. I avoided going out of the house. I rejected my friends and relatives invitations and calls. 

I ended up watching Korean Drama Series which I thought would be a nice past time.

I ate too much sweets, junkfoods and had an unhealthy diet.

I gained weight

I looked older than my age

I pitied myself

It came to the point where I thought that my husband doesn't love me anymore.

I feel like I'm not needed and lost my worth.

I slept even on day time

My mood changed from time to time.

My relationship with my husband and our family was almost torn apart.

It was the time that I don't even care about anything.

During  those times, there's always this little voice kept saying " I love you mama" Are you OK'  " You want water mama?"

Yes , she's my 4 year old daughter.

My daughter Chelsea.

I almost forgot that I'm a mother to this beautiful child who is always beside me when I open my eyes everyday.

Her arms who never grows tired of hugging me.

How did I overcome Depression ?

1. Acceptance

Accept reality and be thankful

I'm a mom and a wife ,I'm not single anymore to think only about myself

I always thank our creator for everything

2. Seek for advise
I read a lot of articles and stories about depression and it helps me a lot to know more about depression and how to battle with it.

◾ Consult your doctor.

3. Talk to your loveones

Let them know how you feel and what you are thinking.

◾ I had this conversation with my husband . I was able to tell him for the very first time why I feel so depressed.

4. Choose to be happy

Instead of watching Dramas,

watch videos or movies that will make you laugh and appreciate life

◾ Drama will only add sad emotions to you

5. Find an inspiration 

If you are a mom or a dad . Just look in your child's face .Tell yourself this little child of mine will not stay as a baby and will grow up. 

I like to see them and be with them while they are growing up.

6. Pamper yourself

Though all of us are in a tight budget we still need to  pamper ourselves. You can save 5 peso to 10 pesos everyday if you want to buy something for yourself

◾Go to a salon ( it doesn't need to be a well known) 

◾Have a relaxing massage

    ( there's a lot of Spa,Massage Center that are not expensive. You can try "Vibes Massage" )

◾ Buy make ups and Skincare Products

  ( It doesn't need to be  expensive products ,there are local made makeups that are really affordable and you will still look good)

7. Go out and Have Fun

You can go out without spending too much money.

- Visit a park or mall near your place with your family and friends

8. Join community that will help you to empowered yourself as a women.

BDJ is one of the well known Community for Women and I'm proud to be part of it .

They always have events and workshops

Check their page to know more about it

https://ilovebdj.com

9. Attend family events

This is one way to have  bonding time with our family and to get to know other family members 

10. Love yourself

Loving yourself means taking care of not only your body but our innerself

 11. Be proud 

Be proud of yourself as a mom.

Being a mom means you already done an awesome thing in this world. 

12. Don't live in your past 

Our past is like a book that we can read and learn from but you are living in present you need to flip the next page of your life and stop dwelling on the same page. MOVE ON! Accept what's in front of you.

13. Go out of your comfort zone

◾Don't be afraid to try new things. This is one way to discover more about yourself,Your hidden talent or the reason why you're here in this world

I am so thankful to my family specially to my husband , who is very supportive  to me and to my kids who always make me smile.

Now, this is me, I still feel sad sometimes but it's normal so I always make sure not to feel sad for the whole day.

I play with my your kids, go out and meet my friends,
I watch and read post from Women's Community page, Blog Post and Videos in You Tube. I also join cooking contest which is really fun.

No one can battle your Depression but yourself and You have to WIN that battle .

Hope you didn't get bored. If you have same stories and have more advice pls. Do share it in the comment section.I will appreciate it so much!!

Thanks for reading!